Sketsa Kecil

Kalo kamu nggak suka wataknya, ya sudah… Yang penting kamu tiru kerja kerasnya.

Yesterday I met my beloved grandma and she said those things to me. Her words really touched my heart.

..

..

I know you worked hard.. I’m so sorry for whatever things I did that hurt you. Sometime I did that on purpose.

I’m sorry I never asked whatever you did to survive since we were apart.

I’m sorry if you didn’t hear my ‘thank you’ everytime you gave me anything you thought I need. Anyway I said thank you…only hours later.

I’m sorry if you thought I didn’t appreciate whatever you did for me..I indeed wanted you to think that way, but deep here in my heart, I really appreciate those things.

I’m sorry I didn’t say anything to defend you everytime I heard people said bad things about you…I indeed wanted them to think that I don’t like you either, but deep inside I love you. I really do.

I just don’t like this broken-heart-feeling I had when I admit to myself that I love you. I’m sorry I never asked how your life’s going… sometime –no, most of the time- I just don’t want to know anything about you. Sometime, only knowing you’re OK is just enough.

..

..

After having those conversation with my grandma, I really wonder how could we go wrong? What made us go wrong? Why can’t we just like other people who stands strong for what they believe..why can’t we love each other very much so we won’t let go? Why do you let us go? You can’t say you didn’t see it coming. I saw it coming since I was a child, why didn’t you do anything to stop it? What is the thing you thought more important than us? Because once in a while, I thought you’re really my everything. I used to love you with all my heart. And I used to think you loved me the same way.

..

..

I forgot why I let you go and why you let us go either. I forgot why we had so many things to argue about. Whatever it is, just put it as my fault and I’m sorry. Knowing that you had so much burden from your own family, I just want you to know that I’m on your side. It doesn’t mean that I’m agree with every step you take, but I appreciate whatever you did for me. I know you are not even close to what they said. You know what, I hate them who said bad things about you, I always do. Nobody has that right to say bad things about my beloved. I was so proud when grandma told me good things about you. You know what, I’m very very proud of you.

..

..

For every wound you made in my heart and for every wound I made in yours, I want you to know that I already forgive you.