Sketsa Kecil

Here I am, finally at Baturaja.
Perjalanan Jakarta-Palembang bahkan beberapa menit lebih cepat daripada Cengkareng-Kelapa Gading. Tapi Palembang-Baturaja took 4 hours and it feels sooo long!

In general, I’m so glad to be here and knowing that I’m surrounded with many friends and people who love me so much in Jakarta. My last dinner with my very best friend gave me a new spirit. She loves me so much that we can have a good time only by talking about our own life. She and her problems at the office… And me with my problems with some people. It felt like I know her friends in person while actually I never even met them. We listen to each other… and that’s why we can catch up for something we barely know. She knows me very well. I could tell her I have some troubles in my mind by only looking at her. No words could describe how thankful I am for our friendship..
I already put your gift in my working room here.. with your card also!

Many people questioned me for my decision to work here. Far from my mother who needs me very much, far from my friends, far from everything I have, far from my comfortable zone! Some of them might judge me that I don’t care for my mom because I’m leaving her alone. My grandma even asked me, what is it that you’re looking for? I answered her with babbling, putting all reasons that crossed my mind at one time. She was confused with my answer I guess… for I did confused myself! Actually I don’t know what the exact answer is. All I know is that this is what I want. This is exactly what I wanted since I decided to be a doctor years ago. My mom knew this, and that’s why she let me go. She was burdened with this decision, I know.. she didn’t show it to me, but I know. She let me do what I want because she knows that I’ll be restless if she didn’t.

It’s not that I don’t want to be on my mother’s side and take care of her. It’s not that I want to leave her living alone. She knows I didn’t decide this for those reasons. She knows I love her a lot and leaving her is also a burden for me. She knows that I always imagine my future with her in it. But this is my call and she understands.

Some questions then rise. What if she get sick at night, her vertigo attack, or her stomach ache, or her tinnitus strike, or her neck hurts, or her joint swells, or whatever… I think it’s about time for my brother to take over my position. This is a good time for him to catch up with her.

See? This calling might bring something good for my family whom I love so much too..